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The Unknown Teacher

Posted: 2013-01-19

An update on an old poem, with apologies to W. H. Auden.

(To JS/07/M/378 In place of a marble monument, this data is warehoused at the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation and at NEA and AFT Headquarters)

She was found by the U. S. Department of Education to be
One against whom there was no official debit side,
And all the reports on her conduct agree
That, in the modern sense of an old-fashioned word, she was highly qualified,
For in everything she did she obeyed Standardisto decrees.
Except for maternity leave, till the day she retired
She worked in a classroom and in dissent never was mired;
She satisfied the State and the literacy coach
In following script she was above reproach.
She wasn't a complainer, not odd in her views,
And her Union reports that she paid her dues,
(Our report on her Union shows it was sound
Advocating NCLB, RTTT, CCSS reform, and did not revolt expound.)
She cared for children and offered no danger to the power elite.
The State is pleased she offered phonemic segmentation fluency each day
And kept the Bill Gates-funded Common Core on display
And that her responses to directives were obedient in every way.
Both Republicans and Democrats assert it:
She was fully sensible to the advantages of the Standardisto gas
She had everything necessary for a Global Economy class,
A script, a timer, and a bag for collecting vomit.
Bill Gates and Eli Broad are content
That she held the proper opinions for the corporate-politico crowd
When there were DIBELS, she DIBLED; she offered no dissent.
Her students scored a proficiency
Which our experts say was a sufficiency.
Was she free? Was she happy? Don't cause a fuss.
Had anything been wrong, her union certainly would've told us.

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