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Codicil Needed for No Child Left Behind Legislation

Posted: 2002-10-08

Japanese engineering advancements reveal new possibilities for tracking children's vital statistics.

On October 8, 2002, the most-requested article for e-mail from the New York Times website was "Japanese Masters Get Closer to the Toilet Nirvana."

Here we have the difference between East and West. In the U. S. Standardisto corporate leaders want to "raise the bar" on every kid in America. In Japan, rival industries vie to come up with the most technologized toilet. For example, The Japanese have produced a toilet seat "equipped with electrodes that send a mild electric charge through the user's buttocks, yielding a digital measurement of body-fat ratio."

That's a direct quote.

"Talking toilets are on the horizon."

That's another direct quote.

And here's the relevance of Japanese high tech "toilet nirvana" to No Child Left Behind. Japanese engineers are on the verge of producing a toilet that is a home health measuring center. The chief engineer at Matsushita, which already produces a $3,000 high-tech toilet, says "You may think a toilet is just a toilet, but we would like to make a toilet a home health measuring center. We are going to install in a toilet devices to measure weight, fat, blood pressure, heart beat, urine sugar, albumin and blood in urine."

Matsushita's plan is that a person's vital results would be sent from the toilet to a doctor by an Internet-capable cellular phone built into the toilet.

Now that our federal government has declared the teaching and learning of reading a science, it is clear that what our schools need is toilets that can measure phoneme proficiency in young children's output.

After all, the politicians and their CEO brethren keep telling us that input such as building conditions, number of rats in the room, number of books in the library, class size, and family income don't count. They're concerned only with output. So let's give them direct output.

Let's send output results directly to Rod Paige by an Internet-capable cellular phone built into the toilets used by every K-3 child in the land.

Then we can move on to grades 4 through 12. The ReadingFirst folk can decide what output they want in their direct line.

Toilet testing would be a whole lot cheaper than the present paper-and-pencil testing. And certainly a whole lot easier on the kids.

Flush. Flush.

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