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No State Left Behind: a Modest Proposal

Publication Date: 2003-04-07

Send a copy to your legislators.

Year after year we pour money into our government, elect officials, and yet society is still struggling; crime is still rampant; and the economy is...abysmal, to say the least. What we need is accountability! The solution is simple. Standards--standards that each and every person in a state must attain. I believe that passage of the No State Left Behind bill will guarantee that all people receive the best possible government. We are a country of diversity; this bill will apply equally to all citizens.

Under the No State Left Behind (lovingly shortened to NSLB) all states will have to demonstrate Adequate Yearly Progress by the end of the current legislative term or face dire consequences.

Components of the bill are numerous, but may be synthesized as follows:

1. All individuals will make significant social and economic progress toward minimum national salary standards. There will be no exceptions or excuses: prisoners, migrant workers, homeless, gang -members, non-English speaking persons... all will have to achieve the minimum standards.

If states do not develop programs to guarantee that each state resident achieves the minimum salary standard, the individual state government will be placed on a list of Deficient States. The state will then have two years to raise the salary levels of all their citizens or the next higher government agency will step in and take over the government.

In extreme cases, the State may be shut down and all residents of the state sent to neighboring "Successful" states.

2. Furthermore, testing of all citizens will be done on a yearly basis. Testing will be in the areas health, safety, economic security, and standard of living. All citizens will be judged on a high standard set by the wealthy businessmen and all governments not achieving this standard for each and every person will be deemed a failure.

Once a state has been deemed as inadequate all flyers, publications, and web sites produced by that state must bear the words "Deficient State". Citizens who choose to leave the deficient state may be reimbursed for moving expenses to a state that hasmet the standards. If, surprisingly, a High-Achieving State cannot be found, the citizen may then request transportation to a neighboring country, preferably one with a little sanity remaining.

3. All citizens will have the right to be represented by a highly-qualified politician who has met all the requirements for this certification, including obtaining a
Master's Degree from a private institution, (points will be lost for public school degrees), and passing a basic competency test in the areas of National Defense, Homeland Security, Domestic Affairs,Foreign Affairs, Personnel Affairs, Economic Issues, Educational Issues, Cultural Diversity, Transportation, and Race Relations (to name a few).

Politicians who do not receive the status of a Highly -Qualified Politician will have a year I which to achieve this status before being removed from office.

4. In keeping with the high standards, all staffers working with the politicians will have a four-year degree, obtained at their own expense. Pay will not be commensurate with education.

5. If any state refuses to take part in the No State Left Behind program, funding for that state will be taken away and will be sent to a neighboring state.

6. The federal government will "fully" fund (at a fraction of the total cost, of course) all costs of this program. States, who, in this time of budget deficits, cut their own contributions to education and subsidize this cut with federal No State Left Behind money, will be looked upon with disdain. That clearly is not the intent of this law.

This is adapted from Teachers.net Posted Feb. 24, 2003

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