Orwell Award Announcement SusanOhanian.Org Home

Instructions for Use

Publication Date: 2006-07-10

Source unknown but let it be an inspiration to a compilation of schoolhouse directions.

Do not use if you have ever had an allergic reaction to this product or any of its ingredients.
Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is purely coincidental.
Please leave as clean on leaving as you would like to find on entering.
Please note locations of emergency exits upon arrival.
No animals were harmed in the production of this page.
May be used as flotation device in case of emergency.
Anything you say can and will be used against you.
Satisfaction guaranteed; return for full refund.
Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Objects on screen are closer than they appear.
If condition persists, consult your physician.
Detach and include upper portion with payment.
Nutritional need is not established in humans.
Do not use if safety seal is torn or missing.
Product is sold by weight and not by volume.
In emergency, break glass, pull down handle.
Caution! The edge is closer than you think.
Contents may have settled during shipment.
Prices subject to change without notice.
Do not fold, staple, spindle or mutilate.
Freshest if used before date specified.
Do not exceed recommended dosage.
Valid only at participating locations.
If swallowed, do not induce vomiting.
You have the right to remain silent.
Do not remove under penalty of law.
Offer void where prohibited by law.
This page intentionally left blank.
No user-serviceable parts inside.
No shirt, no shoes, no service.
You need not be present to win.
Keep out of reach of children.
Part of a daily balanced diet.
Apply only to affected areas.
Other restrictions may apply.
Do not think of an elephant.
You must be present to win.
Honk if you can read this.
No purchase is necessary.
Don't try this at home.
Consume in moderation.
For external use only.
Your mileage may vary.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Use only as directed.
Ignore this notice.
Slippery when wet.
Same-day service.
Unplug after use.

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