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The Eggplant


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Acronyms for Our Time

You'll never find Eggplant items in any other news source. They don't have the nerve.

by Susan Ohanian

This week, ACE, the Acronym Collaborative Ensemble, a group of 7,852 representatives from organizations receiving grants from the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation to promote the Common Core State [sic] Standards, presented its recommendations for identifying the various consistent and clear initiatives of the CCSS so teachers and parents know what they need to do to help students learn to be productive workers in the Global Economy.

These acronyms have been approved by the Council of Chief State School Officers (CCSSO)
and the National Governors Association Center for Best Practice. They await confirmation from the Department of Homeland Security and the World Bank.

  • ADAPT Auxiliary Daily Achievement Pre-K Triggerpoint

  • AMMO Amortized Measurement Mandate Ordinance

  • BURP Benchmarked Uninterrupted Rubrics Payload

  • BUZZ Blue-ribbon Unified Zealotry Zone

  • COBRA Curriculum Optimum Battery Ranking Assignment

  • CRISIS Cutting-edge Ritual Identity Septic Iteration System

  • DIVE Danielson Information-age Vector Exchange

  • DRIVE Data-Warehousing Rubric Installation Virus Ergonomics

  • EPIC Evaluation Protective Interface Critique

  • EVIL Efficient Visualization Industrial Leverage

  • FILTH Formative Indentured Lost Teacher Hospice

  • FLAB Failsafe Lie-detector Achievement Benchmarks

  • GATES Godawful Arachibutyrophobia Target Eminence Scope-and-Sequence

  • GROSS Global Rat-race Operative Size Survey

  • HURT Hegemonic Utilization Ruling Trajectory

  • ICK Individualized Checklist Kinetics

  • ILL Instrumental Litter Longitude

  • JOKE Jumpstart Operative Knee-jerk Eugenics

  • KAPUT Kill-zone Analytic Pyramid UHF Triad

  • KILL Knowledge-systems Intensity Left-brain Loopholes

  • LAME Literature Alignment Market-forces Enemies-list

  • LOST Leftover Operational Selective Team

  • MARCH Management Arc Rejuvenation of Hubris

  • MOB Mathematics Operational Blowback

  • NAH! National Assessment Humbug

  • NUTS Needs-driven Urban Testing Suite

  • OOPS Oscillating Optimal Publisher Scam

  • ONUS Out-turn Network Uptake Schema

  • PUKE Prescribed Upswing of Knuckle-under Evaluations

  • PUSH Pinpointing Universal Stakeholder Heuristics

  • QUAFF Quantitative Utilization of Assessment Freefall Fractals

  • QUIT Quadratic Upswing of Incessant Testing

  • ROT Ruling-Class Overthrow of Teachers

  • RUDE Rubrics-based Utilization of Detritus Equity

  • SAPP Sequential Assessment Protection Program

  • SOT Soluble Operationalized Testing

  • TIRED Taxonomic Impact Requisite Evaluation Download

  • TOXIC Testing Overview X-spot Information Collaboration

  • UGLY User-friendly Game-plan Leveraged Yield

  • USED Urban Species Evaluation Dexterity

  • VIRUS Vector-borne Investment Reassignment Utility Setup

  • VICTIM Validating Instrument Consignment Taskforce Input Multiplex

  • WEARY Workplace Ergonomic Assessment Review Yield

  • WOE World-class Overview Efficiency

  • YAP Yearlong Assessment Paradigm

  • YAWN Year-end Assessment Whiplash Nodule

  • ZAP Zig-zag Assessment Pyramid

  • ZERO Zombie Evaluaton Routine Organizer

  • — Susan Ohanian



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