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NCLB Outrages

No Child Left Behind - The Basketball Version

This is a spoof that's traveling around. I think it misses a few corporate imperatives, such as preparing students to become worldclass athletes to compete in the global economy, removing coaches and other school personnel if a team loses three games, and so on.

1. All teams must advance to the sweet 16, and all will win the championship. If a team does not win the championship, they will be on probation until they are the champions, and coaches will be held accountable.

2. All kids will be expected to have the same basketball skills at the same time and in the same conditions. No exceptions will be made for interest in basketball, a desire to perform athletically, or genetic abilities or disabilities, ALL KIDS WILL PLAY BASKETBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL.

3. Talented players will be asked to practice on their own, without instruction. This is because the coaches will be using all their instructional time with the athletes who aren't interested in basketball, have limited athletic ability or whose parent don't like basketball.

4. Games will be played year round, but statistics will only be kept in the 4th, 8th and 11th games.

5. This will create a New Age of sports where every school is expected to have the same level of talent and all teams will reach the same
minimal goals. If no child gets ahead, then no child will be left behind.


— unknown

2005-08-29


INDEX OF NCLB OUTRAGES


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