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NCLB Outrages

North Carolina to Launch New NCLB Test
NOTE: This announcement has been circulating on the web for six months or more. Sometimes low-grade humor helps people living in constant and continual misery remember to smile.

FROM: Scientifically reliable sources somewhere within academic cyberspace

TO: Anyone who cares about education

Subject: No Child Left Behind Act & Standardized Testing

Raleigh, NC June 30. Authorities announce new test to accompany Federal No Child Left Behind Act. Students must pass this test to be promoted to the next grade level. Launched in North Carolina, educators hope the test will be uniformly adopted by all the states, thus giving North Carolina to a glorious front runner position in education.

The Federal Arithmetic and Reading Test (FART). All students who cannot pass a FART in the second grade will be re-tested in grades 3-5 until such a time as they are capable of achieving a FART score of 80%.

If a student does not successfully FART by grade 5, that student shall be
placed in a separate English program, the Special Mastery Elective for Learning Language. (SMELL). If with this increased SMELL program the student cannot pass the required FART, he or she can graduate to middle school by
taking a one-semester course in Comprehensive Reading and Arithmetic Preparation,(CRAP).

If by age fourteen the student cannot FART, SMELL or CRAP, he will earn his promotion in an intensive one-week seminar. This is the
Preparatory Reading for Unprepared Nationally Exempted Students. (PRUNES).

It is the opinion of the NC Dept. of Public Instruction that an intensive week of PRUNES will enable any student to FART, SMELL or CRAP. This revised provision of the student-testing component of the House Bill 110 should
help clear the air.

— anonymous



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