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NCLB Outrages

Dolores Umbridge joins US Dept of Education

By Stephen Krashen

Education Secretary Margaret Spellings announced today
that former Hogwarts headmistress Dolores Umbridge has
been appointed as Under Secretary of Education in the
US Department of Education.

"Dr. Umbridge's views of education are identical to
those in our department," explained Spellings. "She
understands that the purpose of education is to pass
exams, and she has inspired us to push farther in the
direction we are already going. We have already
ordered thousands of magic quills that use children's
blood as ink and cut their writing into their hands.
It will be perfect for phonics exercises. "

The quills, it has been determined, are manufactured
by Umbridge Enterprises, founded by Umbridge and Peter
Bush, a second cousin of the president.

Umbridge and Spellings are both graduates of the House
of Slytherin.

— Stephen Krashen



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