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NCLB Outrages

The Twelve Days of Testing
On the first day of Testing,
my Standardista sent to me
A DIBELS NCLB ("Nickelbee") decree.

On the second day of Testing,
my Standardista sent to me
two state tests
And a DIBELS NCLB decree.

On the third day of Testing,
my Standardista sent to me
three corporate raiders
two state tests
And a DIBELS NCLB decree.

On the fourth day of Testing,
my Standardista sent to me
four fiats absurd
three corporate raiders,
two state tests
And a DIBELS NCLB decree.

On the fifth day of Testing
my Standardista sent to me
five fed̢۪ral strings,
four fiats absurd
three corporate raiders
two state tests
And a DIBELS NCLB decree.

On the sixth day of Testing,
my Standardista sent to me
six politicos a-lying
five fed̢۪ral strings,
four fiats absurd
three corporate raiders,
two state tests
And a DIBELS NCLB decree.

On the seventh day of Testing,
my Standardista sent to me
seven NEA shills concurring
six politicos a-lying
five fed̢۪ral strings
four fiats absurd
three corporate raiders
two state tests
And a DIBELS NCLB decree.

On the eighth day of Testing,
my Standardista sent to me
eight consultants bilking
seven NEA shills concurring
six politicos a-lying
five fed̢۪ral strings
four fiats absurd
three company men
two state tests
And a DIBELS NCLB decree.

On the ninth day of Testing,
my Standardista sent to me
nine million gripers griping
eight consultants bilking
seven NEA shills concurring
six politicos a-lying
five fed̢۪ral strings
four fiats absurd
three corporate raiders
two state tests
And a DIBELS NCLB decree.

On the tenth day of Testing,
my Standardista sent to me
ten million teachers scared of dancing
nine million gripers griping
eight consultants bilking
seven NEA shills concurring
six politicos a-lying
five fed̢۪ral strings
four fiats absurd
three corporate raiders
two state tests
And a DIBELS NCLB decree.

On the eleventh day of Testing,
My Standardista sent to me
Eleven million kids a-weeping
ten million teachers scared of dancing
nine million gripers griping
eight consultants bilking
seven NEA shills concurring
six politicos a-lying
five fed̢۪ral strings
four fiats absurd
three corporate raiders
two state tests
And a DIBELS NCLB decree.

On the twelfth day of Testing
my Standardista sent to me
twelve rules of thumb 1
eleven million kids a-weeping
ten million teachers scared of dancing
nine million gripers griping
eight consultants bilking
seven NEA shills concurring
six politicos a-lying
five fed̢۪ral strings,
four fiats absurd
three corporate raiders
two state tests
And a DIBELS NCLB decree.

1 Twelve Rules of Thumb

  • Standardized tests increase fourfold every three years, which means hiring 53 clerks to store the data.

  • 12,823,666 cockroaches can live on the glue of an envelope holding a school's yearly standardized test results for sixteen years.

  • If your pile of data is high enough, you can fool most of the people most of the time.

  • When one person suffers from a delusion about how to treat children, it is called insanity. When many people suffer from the same delusion it is called Standards.

  • State standards corrupt classroom practice, and absolute state standards corrupt classroom practice absolutely.

  • If your plan is for a month, give spelling tests. If your plan is for a generation, read books to the children.

  • All Standardistas are trying to hide how little they know about children.

  • The distance between a Standardista’s eyes in inches is equal to half the cube of his/her I.Q.

  • Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do.

  • We have met the enemy and he is us.
    --Walt Kelly's Pogo, 1971

  • You'll always come up short in a Standardista numbering system.



  • — Susan Ohanian
    website
    2007-12-12


    INDEX OF NCLB OUTRAGES


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